It's Just A Whole Lotta Jakeward
by gottalovethefreckles
Summary: Yeah, it's basically the title. And kinda some humor, maybe. I'm not exactly sure...Anyways, there's a bunch of swears and possibly some smexing later on ; So no-likely, no-ready.


**I just thought this needed to be made. Everyone knows that what it says happens between Edward, Jacob, and Bella in the Twilight series is so cliché, and needs to be made into something cooler, maybe less skill in the writing part, and with so much more JAKEWARD! **

**Obviously, I don't own the Twilight Saga or anything of that genre. **

**Some of the characters may be out of character for a while…or all of the time. I'm not exactly sure…Anyways, here's what I think should've happened in the twilight series. **

**Yep, I'm random so if you ever find yourself thinking 'What the fuck? That's so random!' then…yeah, I'm random. Deal wit it. Enjoy! (;**

The sparkling vampire stood in front of me, scaring me to death. _Of course I'd never admit this to him though._ "Y-you sparkle?" I asked, not sure how to wrap my head around this concept. _Sparkling? How…gay!_

He smiled and nodded his head. "Yep! I sparkle! Isn't it wonderful? And haven't I shown you that I sparkle multiple times before?" He asked, spinning around in sparkly circles.

"Uh, yeah. Wonderful…" Again, gay. Even though I've known that Edward sparkles for a long time, every time I see him sparkle it confuses me. _Vampires aren't supposed to sparkle! They're supposed to be all scary and…grr-like!_

His circles continued. "Bella, isn't this wonderful?" He asked, crashing down in a heap on the ground.

I nodded my head. "Sure, sure." Right now I couldn't think of anything except for his sparkliness. _Is that even a word? I don't think so…But that's beside the point. He's _sparkling. Sparkling. _My vampire boyfriend sparkles. Yes, boyfriend. The whole, "We're getting married!" thing was just a lie that we made up to get our parents off our backs. Then, again, why would I marry a sparkly man? Why would I date a sparkly man…? Gah, I hate my life._

"So Bella, I was thinking about something the other day."

"What?" I asked, hoping it wasn't something weird.

"Well, I was thinking about Renesmee." He answered, finally stopping his circles. Yes, he had continued his circles when he was on the ground. _As I said before, gah, I hate my life._

"Really…" I said, lying down near him.

"Yeah, and how she seems to be growing up so soon. My baby girl is growing up so soon!" He squeaked at the end, making me flinch. _Gah, squeaking has always irked me. Especially when it's a guy squeaking…_

I looked at my own sparkly skin and smiled. _Never would I have to apply glitter for a date again._ _For some reason, I have a feeling that Edward was thinking the same thing…_

"Edward, please stop acting like such a sparkle monster." I said, combing my hair so it would look shiny and prettyful. _Duh._

"Why?" He groaned. "Sparkle monsters are cool!"

"Not if the sparkle monster is a guy!" I shouted.

"Yes, sparkle monsters are always cool!"

"Shut up, Edward! You aren't a sparkle monster!"

Tears filled his eyes. "Not…a…sparkle…monster…?"

"Yeah, I said it! You are not a sparkle monster!" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Shut up. I so am a sparkle monster…YOU LIE!"

(FF)

The topless werewolf looked me in the eye. "Wow! Your eyes are red now! That's so cool! Can I poke them?" He asked, not awaiting my answer and poking me in the eye.

I slapped his hand away. "Stop it, Jake. Now, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Wha? Oh, yeah! Well, you know how werewolves imprint and everything?"

"Yes…"

"Well I imprinted!" He shouted, jumping up and down.

"Great."

"Don't you want to know on who? Should I tell you?" He asked, gleefully.

"No, no! That would ruin it! Lemme guess! Hmm…Renesmee?" I asked hopefully.

He laughed. "Pfft, no. That's such a stupid guess. I'm not a pedophile."

I shrugged. "True, true."

"Well, you know how I met your vampire boyfriend, Edward right?"

I shook my hand at him. "Ooh, I get where you're going with this! So, is it Alice? I bet it is! Oh my god! It's Alice!"

He laughed. "No, no. But as I was saying…"

"Oh. Is it Rosalie, then?" I asked. _I don't think Emmett would be very happy about that…nor would Jasper about Alice. This werewolf should know better than to mess with these sparkly vampires. Oh…that sounded better in my head. Wait…it is in my head. Whoa._

Jake shook his head again. "No, guess again, if you must."

"God, Jake. You're making this harder than it should be." He put up his hand in a protest but I stopped him. "But I might have one more guess."

Jake sighed. "Fine, guess again."

I smirked. "Now, shush. I have a few questions to confirm my guess. Is that okay?" I asked, smiling at him. _I can't believe Jake didn't just tell me. I mean, my relationship with Edward is weaker than it was before…_

He nodded. "Sure."

"Okay, is this crush taken?" I asked, becoming sure of who the imprint was.

"First, it's an imprint. I can't choose who it is. And second, yes."

I jumped up and down. _Oh yeah! I so got this! _"I know who it is, Jake!" He started jumping up and down too. "Really, guess then!" He shouted.

"It's me!" He stopped jumping and face palmed. "God, Bella."

"What?" I asked, tilting my head to my left side.

"It's not you, Bella." _Whoa there. _

"Wha? But you were talking about Edward so I figured that I could only be the other person…"

"The only _other _person."

"What are you trying to tell me, Jake?"

Jake rubbed the back of his head. "I guess that…that I imprinted on your boyfriend."

_What the fuck? _"Jake, you did not just say that you imprinted on my boyfriend."

He shrugged. "Uh, yeah I did. Do you think that I can't pull of being gay?"

I shook my head. "No, no! It's just that…that…I mean seriously. You're a sexy werewolf! Look at you!" Sad to say, Jake suffers from Lost Shirt Disease. *Sigh* The poor werewolf.

Jake looked down at his abs. "Well, I guess I am pretty sexy…"


End file.
